New Soviet attack plan Unveiled

Monday March 15th 2002, three agents from the CIA returned to the United States with microfilm that contained chilling information. The agents had been sent to infiltrate the Kremlin to search for files regarding hidden nuclear silos from the cold war. What they found was not far from apocalyptic…

In 1969 the United States of America put a man on the moon. The Soviet space program recognizing that humans could in fact survive on the moon, decided to design and construct a nuclear missile base on the moon. Well this sounded good on paper, but became obvious that it would be impossible. The Americans were watching the Soviet space program like a hawk, so the construction of a space station would be hard to cover up. Stalin after being consulted by Soviet scientists agreed to budget 60% of military funds to go to project Werewolf.

In France there had been reports of wolf like creatures coming out of the woods and devouring humans during full moon periods. Well the idea was that if the moon were destroyed the ferocious beasts would not be able to attack anymore. The UN liked the idea, but there were interior motives. Through careful calculations and many human sacrifices it was determined that a shuttle should be sent to land on the moon with a nuclear payload. The shuttle would "accidentally" crash into the moon and the nuke would be detonated.

The explosion from the shuttle would shatter the moon into large asteroids. Most of these asteroids would burn up in the earth's atmosphere except one. This Larger asteroid would be scheduled to smash into southern Virginia at exactly 4:35am July 4th. The impact from the asteroid would wipe out most of the western hemisphere and cause massive fallout. The rest of the world including Russia would suffer from strenuous radiation and probably die off within 3 months. All would die except for a special selected group of "super" humans in Russia. 300 male and females all between age 18 and 22 would be selected to participate in the restart of civilization. And of course Stalin would join them too. These survivors would live underneath the earths crust in a bomb shelter 1000 ft below sea level in the heart of Siberia.

Fortunately for the rest of the world the Soviet space program ran out of money and this project could never be completed. The shelter had already been constructed when the money gave out. The people in charge of inventory for the shelter spent all of the money for the project on heated toilet seats; Stalin ordered them to be eaten alive by peasants. To keep the rest of the world from discovering the shelter, Chernobyl was purposefully melted down.


The agents discovered the microfilm in Stalin's grave. Next to his body was a locked box with the words written on it "Shakar Busnik" (Failed Apocalyptic plans). They had no trouble digging his corpse up, the groundskeeper even let them barrow his shovel.
In other news, the United States Government has just approved a bill to give $20,000,000,000,000.00 to NASA…

Kevin

Stem Cell Research

Operation Satisfaction

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Soviet Attack Plan

Old Crap


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