12/12/01
You know, I was
thinking. There are lots of things I see go on in the world that don't sit well
with me. Things that I know I could do better. People are making bad choices,
and I want to do something about it. I want to take charge and make the world
a better place. I have made a decision. I am going to run for the presidency of
the World.
"Presidency of the world? there's no such thing!" I know that's
what you're thinking, but I KNOW that if there is a leader that is good enough
and is up to the challenge, he or she could be accomodated. This is what i'm
expecting, and this is what I will get.
Some of my ideas may come across as radical, but that's what great leaders
do. They go against the society's ideas to prove a better one. This is just
the case here. The ideas may be extreme, and some will take time, but they will
end up benefiting the world as a whole.
I'll start off by listing some of the little changes. The bigger things will
take more time, and I will mention them later.
Since I am the President of the World, I will take all the money that individual
countries have, and put them in a sort of "pool". I will allot the money as
I see fit.
Anyway, ever since the Sept. 11 incident, the world has gone downhill. We're
currently bombing them, and killing many people...but that's just not enough
to satisfy the American people. They need reassurance that this will never happen
again. Anyway, I will give Afghanastan however much money is necessary to build
an exact replica of the now destroyed WTC. They will of course build it on their
own soil. Then, we will hire someone to hijack one of THEIR airplanes, and crash
it into THEIR WTC! That'll teach 'em a lesson in irony.
As many of you know, there has been a long waging war between the Jews in Israel
and the Muslims, trying to conquer it. I, of course, have a solution. Nobody
inhabits Antarctica, so I think we should just send all the Jews down there
and let the Muslims have Israel. The Jewish people have had it for a long while,
and it's high time they stop being so selfish, forefit it to someone else, and
stop hogging it.
I will spend however much it takes to hire the best scientists and inventors
there are. I will have all the greatest minds working together to solve my problems
and invent things that I request.
There is quite a lack of entertainment in the world, at least that I can see.
I believe that me and my scientists can come up with a creative and spectacular
way to entertain people. I will have my scientists come up with some way to
make an enormous kangaroo. I mean huge, like 100 meters high. Then, they will
clone it 7 times. I will have the 8 kangaroos sent to a huge training facility
run by Woody Allen, and he would personally teach them how to swim. I would
have these 8 kangaroos compete in swimming races, and it would be fantastic.
This isn't enough, I want to go above and beyond. I want to stand out as a
great leader. I will make a mandatory worldwide law, that all children under
8 years old should be equiped with deadly weapons. I will have them compete
in battles to the death in cages, and spectators can wager on who they think
will win.
The Germans are known to have a strong lack of personality when it comes to
leisure. I think that I can change that. My scientists will merge all of the
Germans into one, giant German person. I would name it "German" and
have it compete with the kangaroos in swimming races.
There are a lot of countries in the world, and all they do is make trouble.
Something has to be done, and I have just the solution.
All those stupid little nations, full of crap. Not only are they a nuisance,
but they'd be a bitch to keep up with as well. When I become president of the
WORLD, I am not going to work for just one country, and it will be much easier
if there are just a few countries to bother with.
The first new country will consist of modern day Kazakhstan. It will be called,
"Kazakhstan". The only real difference is, now, it will be a world
power. Things are boring when there's just one major country, so I figure, at
least 2 would spice things up a bit.
I will have my scientists invent some way to merge the Earth with the Moon.
The Moon is just sitting up there, not doing anything, so I figure, why not
bring it down here? The moon will come crashing down on modern day China, and
the surrounding area. Using helicopters and planes, I will transport all the
citizens of modern day Cuba to the moon. I will give them no resources, if they're
smart, they'll figure out some way to survuve. Just because there is no life
on or resources on the Moon doesn't mean it shouldn't be used. The Moon will
now be called "Cuba".
The next country will consist of pretty much the rest of the world. Since it
will contain most of the middle eastern countries, I will name it "Superstan"
in their honor.
Next is "Secretstan". You have to be past level 10 with at least
300 points to gain access though. It will consist of modern day El Paso, Texas.
Even though there are just 5 countries, (America, Cuba, Superstan, Secretstan,
Kazakhstan) Sooner or later the world will get over populated again. I will
have some of the smaller continents literally lifted up out of the ocean, and
dropped on top of other continents. Not only will this kill millions of people
to reduce the population, but it will physically save space that can be used
for things like shoe factories and industrial corporations.
Well, after this, I know for a fact that you are going to vote for me. It shouldn't
be too difficult once they realize how brilliant I am. I may post more ideas
later, but for now, this is a taste of what's to come.
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